sleepless

I’ve never been so annoyed/upset/bitter/lonely in my life before. last week was horrible for me. so far today, I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep that I can feel. this is too difficult. I just wanna jump off a cliff.

I wanna see where today will go.

perspective is a lovely hand to hold.

Kuya

(meaning “brother” in Tagalog. used to acknowledge an older sibling, in this case the brother)

now I don’t like the word too much. it makes me feel old, but it, iono makes me feel really…important. not like “aw yea, someone respects me!”, more like “I’m impacting someone’s life right now” type thing. it’s so impacting to me because I matter in their lives and I’m looked up to by them, but it scares me because any wrong move could be impressionable. it’s a blessing, though, to be a Kuya in someone’s life. iono, it’s…moving.

smiles.

I was walking around this store and this girl kept looking at me. idk why, I just smiled (my common reaction) and I left. as I left, I saw her again and I smiled again, this time, she smiled and said, “hello”.

smiles are a funny thing.

I really should take my own advice.

with every breath you’re breathing you should glorify and give thanks to God regardless of ANY situation (good or bad).

so, I have a friend. he’s slowly dying (it hurts to say that) and it surprises me that that each time he is awake, he says God is good all the time. it is super surprising that he had died for an instant and when he had woken up, he just glorified God. it surprises me that with each breath he has, it’s God-driven and it’s super encouraging. we sit here facing break ups and friendships ending and really “dysfunctional” family settings and start asking God “why?” and my friend lays in the hospital bed dying and he still gives thanks and praises God. idk about you guys, but that’s super encouraging. kinda puts everything into a…neater perspective. I urge you guys, and even myself, just to pray about whatever you’re going through and ask God to be your strength. idk if it makes sense, but to me, he’s a really strong influence in my life. thanks Kuya Ambet.

I hope you can understand my jibber jabber. trust God and His will. have faith in Him.

for the past two days.

I have been running on no more than four hours of sleep. I’ve been in complete sleep zombie mode (I do have a picture of me sleeping, my friends thought it’d be funny…sadly, it was). anyways, Friday, I couldn’t sleep because I was confused about some things, from someone to a mission trip in February. so I laid in my bed till 330A, only to wake up at 530A to bread ministry for church (where we get bread from a company and give it to people who need it). left at 630/7 to go there only to stay for another 2 hours. I still couldn’t sleep because I was grumpy. until we got the bread and dropped it off at church. we were on the way to go home till my mom forgot about something for my sister’s wedding…so I took advantage and slept like a baby. 2/3ish hour nap and I felt great. did some shopping for our house and as a surprise, bought presents for me and my brother (and that’s only part one). day went on till I had to practice. then, I hung out with two friends I usually never hangout with and just ate at Taco Bell. went home at 9P and set up my brother’s present, an electronic drumset. it took 3 hours and it was already 1A when I finished and we still had to install lights and had to clean…another 2 hours. 3A, and I have to wake up at 6 for Sunday practice and 1045 worship…3 hours again to a new day…and it went by fast…I paid attention to EVERYTHING and when I found the time to crash…I did…sitting up…on a friend’s couch…at a party…surrounded by people with iPhones. God is great!

bad kid, I don’t deserve such wonderful blessings.

#studiotime, #sleepmodeON

I’ll be me and you, be you.

so today!

today was a weird up and down day. I got my friend from her interview and brought her to my house. she watched cyberbully while I got ready for Vacation Bible School. when I finished, I watched the rest of the movie with her. after, she, my dad, and I went to Waffle House to eat a quick dinner, and trust me, it’s no big deal. after, we split up to head towards church and I picked up a few stragglers (nah, kids I usually pick up for VBS). I then forgot I needed strings for my electric since I’m playing with the college worship team on Sunday. so I went to Best Buy (and yes, it does have strings, at least where I’m at) and transmission fluid is leaking from my car. so, I called my dad, and he came and followed me to church, and I found out, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY CAR! HAHA. but at VBS, we had the best last day ever (oh, I’m a game leader!). and then proceeding on with the night to where my car starts to break. I had to take the kids I brought, my friend I brought, and my nig nig friend all home. but as I was getting down to the wire, my coolant light freaks out and the kids freak out about smelling smoke and at this point, I didn’t doubt it. I took all of them home safely and I THANK GOD FOR THAT. and it was me and my dying car. I began to think my radiator cap would bust because the light kept going on and off. a mile down, the coolant light freaks out and down a few feet, my engine light comes on. I begin to pray that nothing would bust up on the last stretch…and then my car decides to turn on all the warning lights and turn off my traction. only a few inches away, I pop it into neutral and to my surprise, I make it…but my car, heated, oil is bad, no transmission fluid whatsoever, no coolant, battery is draining slowly, and on top of all that, I can’t drive tomorrow. BUT on the upside, my car isnt dying a fiery death and I made it home safely.

so the thing here, I’m home, the car that’s been good to me for 5 years, doing pick up services for church to doing whatever the church needs me to do, is reaching a break point, I enjoyed today and I thank God for all the kids at VBS and for today.

HAHA good to bad to good. awesome, wonderful day.