I would be rich.
everyday, they drive me nuts with their mood swings, errands that they’re too lazy to do, weird things they tell me to watch because it’s funny to them (not saying they are funny, but when you’re doing something already…well), corniness, calling me out with uncles and aunties (specifically my parents), and other stuff, INCLUDING FOOTBALL! anyways, among all the craziness, I know they love me and I know the intention is that they want me to spend time with them and enjoy that time. with the errands, they’re tired is all. and I do all these things anyway, no matter how annoyed I am or how busy or just plain lazy, I still do it because I know they’d do the same…if we switched places hahahaha! I love em, may not seem like it most of the time, but I do and I do enjoy saying “that’s just us.”
usually around this time, I’m indifferent. there’s alot to be thankful for in my life, like my friends, family, and my wonderful church. from the pains or depression and suicidal thoughts to just struggling with life, I’ve been blessed to see another day and have people help me out. can’t thank God enough either, for He’s the one who has blessed me with all the things I don’t deserve, but around this time…I’m heavy-hearted and today, I would like to let everyone.
as you may have known, I’ve lost friends and I’ve also physically lost friends, two to be exact. every day, I live with regret and it builds up until this time, where I reflect on my life and see what to be thankful for. but I can’t seem to let go of the fact that I never did anything for the two that passed away. I’ve had chances to see them, to talk to them, to just visit…but I never took that opportunity, simply either because I was busy, or I just didn’t want to and quite frankly, I have lived with this regret for the past 5 - 6 years.
my first friend, Bernadette who passed away on 12/15/06, was a great girl. she passed at a very young age and a week before Christmas. I remember the last time I talked to her. it was at a friend’s house for a birthday. she was sleeping and I asked her what’s wrong. of course, she said nothing and after that, I never said goodbye. later that year, she had a tumor and countless times, my dad would ask me if I wanted to visit her. usually it was no or homework. after a while, that question stopped and later…well…the rest fell into place. and a little later on in life, I met my friend Peter, who passed away on 5/9/10. I knew him for a good few months. I loved his company and his take on life, he taught me that life is too full or adventure to be moping and that I have to keep an eye on girls, make sure you got that one, or what I’ve picked up while he told me his life story. I remember when we met on xbox live playing mw2, fun night. I remember he invited me to the midnight premiere to a movie I can’t even recall…the week before he passed. I declined nicely and later he cancelled since no one was able. later, on the night before mother’s day, we were playing mw2 with the group and he was somewhere. everyone sent him a text and I looked at my phone and put it down. no one got an answer, or to my memory, and I simply said, “oh well, let’s go.” and then I woke up that mother’s day morning and went to church only to be called by my sister to yell, “HE’S DEAD TIM.”
and now, I’m here. walking with all this guilt through the years. the guilt of not doing anything with them and taking them for granted. people think one person made me better, but this guilt made me love serving, helping, giving. life is a mystery, we don’t know how much time we have left. so, I walk with God and serve, making my life an adventure and spending time with friends and family. and I would like to say sorry to Peter and Bernadette, though. not being able to see you guys…I’m so sorry for taking you for granted and I’m so sorry for being selfish. I’m sorry for these mistakes and I’m sorry for just everything, even to my friends now. I’m not great at all, if I’ve kept this in for a while…so, thank You God, for life.
I love you, my dear friends.
now you know.
God is always and forever good to me.